Very frequently the question is asked, "did you see the light at the end of the tunnel" Answer: " Well, No, but I did see the light !!" Question: "What do you mean you didn't see the light, but you saw the light ?" This is a misconception and an important problem I have had to clear up. Clearly I am not a professional writer and what I answer to and say is sometimes misunderstood or meanings have been interpreted. Believe me, I have been very very careful in relating this experience since I was admonished not to stray away from what happened. PLEASE DON'T put words in my mouth! One of the biggest struggles in this arena has been to clearly explain the experiences. So I will, and continue to do my best to be clear. Certainly there may be other meanings woven into the story, but that is not by my design, I am only the message bearer. As I have previously stated, I have many messages. Some are for specific individuals, ONE is for the world. It may be that you may find a message specifically meant for you in this. Of course, I am continually working on the "questions and answers" section. I do make mistakes. All of us have that as an inherant human weakness, but I do admit to them and will try to correct them when when found and pointed out to me. (e-mail me, yes, but please do not send me files or attachments on e-mail) PLEASE - DO ASK QUESTIONS!! Chances are I just didn't explain something well. If I don't know or cannot give an answer I will admit it. I have a story to tell and must share it with everyone. I do not know where I was when in the total blackness. I just don't. It didn't seem like anywhere or anything except what I have already described it to be! The answer is "no, I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, because as far as I could tell, there was no tunnel." The light was seen, that is what I'm going to talk about. If I had clearly been able to distinguish a tunnel, cavern, enclosed pathway, something on that order, naturally the answer would be yes. Most people talk about walking down a tunnel toward a light. Different experiences occur after they step thru the end of the tunnel into the light. I have been told many since my experience. I haven't sought these stories out, but quite naturally people have wanted to share what happened to them or to people they know. Experiences vary in events but often the themes are very similar. Almost every one of them have this reoccuring theme, "the light at the end of the tunnel". There have been a few that were not pleasant and quite frankly, "scared the bejeses" out of them. Honestly, those few stories were the stuff that Steven King novels are made of. They bothered me too! A few individuals have even had experiences something similar to what happened to me. Very very few have been given messages to bring back, but many have been given a task or job to accomplish. I however did not see"the light at the end of the tunnel". Plainly you can see by now that even this question poses a paradox to answer. No, I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, definately I saw the light and the light saw me! |
John reached out, pointed in a direction somewhere in front of us. It was as if I was blind and could suddenly see. The darkness had been ripped away and I was standing in the presence of living light. Had we traveled? Did we remain in the same spot previously occupied and this presence came to us? I don't know. I did know that I experienced a rushing feeling akin to the butterfly stomache on thrill rides. This was definately another "E" ticket experience. One moment somewhere in darkness, the next - the same or another somewhere bathed in living light! I had not taken a single step. I had not even attempted to walk or to go anywhere. This light I felt, had always been there and for some reason unknown to me, I couldn't see it and was blinded by blackness. John had only pointed. Again my senses were overwhelmed with the scope of the event and the place itself. I found myself before the presence of a Brilliant Brilliant light. I could see it everywhere and could also feel it. Totally bathed in the presence of allpowerful living brilliance. Then, there was that sound again, that total omnipotent sound of power previously described. It wasn't possible to distinguish the "sound" from John and/or the brilliance. They were one and the same. They were apart and distinct. Brighter than I could possibly describe. A google plex light of brilliance and omnipotent power ! The sun in the sky is a poor and pale imitation of the light. I imagine if you stood on the surface of the sun, bathed in all of its' nuclear power, -- focused entirely on you, it would still be nothing more than a feebly glowing, barely discernable nightlight ! I could not look at it, and I could not look away. The brilliance it emenated penetrated and touched everything. Even when I tried to hide my eyes and face, turned away, covered up, the light was there. The light was everywhere. I was outside of it and inside it. The light was outside of me and inside as well. It was not possible to escape the brilliance. It was not possible to escape its' presence. Even when I turned away I could see it, see it without looking. It bathed and penetrated, it revealed. The light was a part of me and yet it was separate. Similarly, I was part of the light yet apart from it. This light, this horribly wonderful powerful living light demanded my attention. How could it be otherwise for any one of us. Somehow we were one and separate. For the moment I was lost in and part of living light. Just how does one share this feeling of unity, separation of so incredible a thing? What possible visual desciption helps to understand the phenomenon? |
A life after death experience nde |
The light was alive. I felt and knew this. The light is, was and knew every part of me. The light was total power, total existence, total spirit, total all. The light eminated from a center place. It undulated and licked out flames of light and power both magnificent and terrible. The silent thunder of it's sheer presence was glorified . The light remained stationairy and reached all places. Each bright place of the light became brighter still, something akin to sunspots on the face of the sun. There were no dark places, only places which exceeded the brightness that existed before. The brilliance of light was and is, it continued in the magnificence, the glory of its own light! I am exposed in the light with no secrets hidden. Every part of me is flayed open and displayed. I am consumed in the light. |
The light devoured me as we became one. There was no physical pain, but something was happening on a spiritual level. My flesh (if that was what one could call it) was ripped away and I was naked in the essence, the spirit of what I am - unable to hide or cover. I could tell that all things, everything that was me was exposed and lay open and bared for all to see and experience. Exposure revealed everything that was me and was honest and truthful which it revealed, exposed in the light. Nothing that was me, could be hidden. The good and the bad, those shining moments and the dark places were all held up and examined before,with, and in me for all. There was a unique connection I became aware of that was more than myself. More than John who had been beside me. There was a multitude and nothing. I was a part of this massive group of life, love, caring, and still I was apart and singular. I was being examined, no, much much more than that, I was being judged in the power and purity of this purest, omnipotent, and brightest of all lite. How can I find the words to explain what was happening here? I had no secrets. Things that I had hidden away, actions, thoughts, deeds, events, circumstance, were all brought out and held in the power of light. Things I remembered, things I didn't even know about, but everything, absolutely everything that was me, a part of me, circumstance,piece, remotely connected to me was found, revealed, and brought out into the open. I was not proud or even brave enought to be humble. All of my strength, pride, assertiveness, those things which made me a proud competitor and a "champion" if you will, had abandoned me. Who could display strength to stand under these cricumstance? No one. Absolutely no one has the power or strength to not be beyond humiliation faced with this. This is an experience in total, utterly total exposed revealed humiliation. A lesson in failure. There is not nor has there ever been eloquent prose or poetry written to describe my dire desperate situation. Oh yes, there were "successes" the things that I was proud of when I was alive. Pride had no place here, pride itself was a dark thing that drew away strength and weakened. There were the good things, Kind acts, unselfishness, genuine caring, good acts, sharing, good works of all kinds, but they seemed to have happened all to infrequently. Surely I did more, could have been better, but it seemed that these shining moments passed by to quickly. Do any of you have those dark secret places? Are there parts of you, that you would like to keep hidden away and buried till eternities end? Keep them secret just because you feel ashamed or embarrased that "it" is a part of you? Sure there is. Only a fool would deny it ! There is not one person amongst us who is perfect. We've all heard the jokes on one aspect or another of perfectionism. "HOW CAN SUCH IMPERFECT PARENTS HAVE SUCH PERFECT CHILDREN LIKE US"? "HOW CAN SUCH PERFECT PARENTS HAVE CHILDREN LIKE YOU?" There are lots of these "perfect jokes" for numerous situations and they are funny because we all know, deep down inside, that no one is perfect no matter how hard we try. So now, if you would, try to imagine all of your secrets exposed in the headlines of every newspaper in the world. Add to that Television and radio exposing everything about you nonstop twenty four seven !!! Your headline, top of the hour news. Todays breaking story. Yes, and then to have it echo resoundingly, repeatedly, finding new avenues to spread the news about you. Say it spreads to the internet and mass spam mailings. Next everyone everywhere is talking about you nonstop. Everything about you is no longer a secret and you are, for better and worse, known intimately by everyone on the planet. How could you stop it,? How would you feel? Now, one more thing. EVERYTHING WAS ABSOLUTE TRUTH ! Would you feel exposed, humiliated? What if you were in such anguished state spiritually, mentally, emotionally that you couldn't feel anger? The light reveald all things, all truth. The good and the bad. Everything brought out and shown impartially, matter of factly. I found myself prostrate lost in the power of the lights judgement. |
How long did this last? I am not capable of knowing but the event was both endless and prompt. I have lived on this earth for over four decades up to the moment of my death, and here now, in this place, my whole life is being thoroughly analyzed. Sure, there are the stories shared where "your whole life passes before you", but this is entirely different. What was happening to me now was so very different. No one, no previous stories that I have heard, read, could have prepared me for this consuming examination. I compared the two and the comparison did not hold much similarity . The explanations relating to that "life rushing by before you" often come from people who have not died, but have had a close shave with death. Even from those who just feared for their lives'. I don't take the "just fearing" lightly, but there is a notable difference between fear and the actual event of dying and being dead. You can walk away from fear, most recover completly. It is much more difficult to do this when you die. Regardless of the circumstance a person found themself in, to be brushing death, they did not die, well usually didn't die, and the scenes of their life still were reported to have rushed by. "My whole life passed before my eyes in an instant" This to has been a life changing event for those who have experienced it. There is a key difference. The rushing, the speed of their earthly careers rushing by. This was not happening here. There was never any reports of a thorough review, exposure of their lifes or a sharing of it with all. The reports have all been like a personal movie screen, an audience of one viewing themself on "fast forward". My life was not rushing by, It was being examined and judged meticuously. Every moment was brought forth one by one and held on display. The moment was held frozen and viewed, examined, displayed, one after another. Each moment taking its turn. Held in the spotlite of display for all and then judgement. When finished, the moment was not laid aside, but added to the whole and then once more reviewed and examined. Again and again this repeated. The moment individually, The moment as it played with the rest of those displayed, and then the moment individually with the changes caused by its' interaction with the others. The moments played in a caccophoney of purpose. Each moment, each event, each interaction, each and every cause and effect in a myriad of circumstance was viewed and deemed good or bad. The span of my life was multiplyed many many times over with this very laborous exceptionally meticulous examination. Time was not important. It was my life and what I did with it, how I live it, the choices and decisions made was important. A moment, a day, month, year, centuries? How long does it take to examine a life so very thoroughly, so utterly complete? |
Of course I was in a terrible fear beyond previous experience. Here was my life held up for examination and judgement. I did not feel the process was going well in my favour. My soul was in agony and torment revealed in the light of truth. It was so very very complete, nothing was being omitted or ignored. Every aspect held imortance and was treated as such. Thinking back, I have to compare this complete judgement to my experience with Dr. Snead in Zoology lab in college. I have used this story with my own children before, with my scouts, and with many others. I thought I understood this story and thus the reason for taking time to force it upon my children when the occasion presented itself. I had only a smattering of understanding. This judgement was very much like that month in zoology lab examining that fish under Dr. Sneads gaze. It goes like this: |
Everyone in the class was given a specimin to examine, draw, and write a detailed report about. Not everyone received the same species of fish, but they were all similar. I had a perch fished out of the formaldahyde jar (yes I know, but I couldn't resist the pun) and placed on my tray. (yes, that right! we still used formaldahyde. 30+ years ago it wasn't recognized as the tremendous exposure biohazard that todays reputation gives it) Everyone was allowed to work together and many of us formed partnership groups, worked in teams to examine the fish(s) and write our reports. Time was not a problem since this was the only project assigned to us for the reminder of the quarter. Just a little more than a month was left till the end of school. Additionally we had lab for 3 1/2 hours every day. There were even additional open lab hours in the evening available to us. More than enough time to do a good job on the assignment and get an excellent grade. making this even better, we have the advantage of everyone else in the groups' work and obserations to add to our own! Regardless, we enthusiastically jumped to work. The thought my group came up with was, if we do a good job and finish early, we have the rest of the quarter free! A week went by and we had finished our reports. Each one of us had enthusiastically dedicated ourselfs to extended hours examining our fish and writing down our findings in piles of notes. Pictures were taken on our little instamatic cameras, hand drawn diagrams, and intimate details were all noted,catalouged, and recorded. We spent hours and hours on this project and it looked great! Needless to say all of us were very pleased with our work and certain that the professor would be wowed with our extensive compilations. The assignment had been given on monday and by Friday afternoon of that same week my team handed in our project. Fortunately, Dr. Snead himself was there to accept it instead of one of the assistant lab aides. We anticipated the Dr. would be awed that such a thorough compilation could be done so well so quickly. Dr. Snead graciously received the report and said. "Well kids, I'll give this a look see and get back to you on it". High fives all around! Big smiles, jubilation, thoughts of spending the rest of the quarter with a relaxed burden accompanied us back to our lab section. This summer was going to be GREAT! Victoriously we cleaned up and meticulously put away all of our equipment. I might even say that our group was a little smug as the others stared at us in disbelief. How could this group have been so dedicated and consumed with this "fish" to have finished so quickly. Envious glares came from various corners of the lab. It took us more than a half hour to completly clean all of our equipment and put everything away in their proper places. Afterall, we were even scored on how we cared for the lab and the lab materials. Soon everything was properly taken care of, why we even excelled and emphasized how well we cared for all aspects of the lab. Once again there was high fives all around as we headed for the exit and the student lounge to bask in the glory of our stupendous victory. What a burden to be lifted off our shoulders! Absolutely and totally stupendous! We were so pleased with ourselfs!!! I did use stupendous because of the similarity to the spelling of "stupid". As our tight little group of student researchers reached the door Dr. Snead emerged from his office with our report in hand and several note pages filled with his writing. (he wrote like a doctor, but it is polite to say writing). "Are you students Leaving?" |
"Why yes we are!" , Chirped up one of the ladys. "I can't imagine why, unless you are taking a short sebatical from this project" Dr. Snead replied. " I have reviewed the first rough draft your group has submitted and I think that your first brief overview of your fish is commendable, but I think now you would really delve into the meat of this subject. Really get down to "brass tacks" describing and learning about your fish and truly truly give an exceptional report on all of the particulars. I think that your group can really get into describing and helping me get to know and understand your fish when you finish! I know that you are very capable of doing a complete and thorough job on this subject". |
We were stunned. Suddenly this group of "advanced and highly motivated" students was reduced to speechless mouth breathers. A first rough draft? A good beginning? Really get into learning and learn about the fish? Help him get to know our subject with a thorough examination and complete description? Isn't that what we had done. Probed, studied, examined, drawn, handled, smelled, touched, felt our subject for hours upon hours? What was that hundred plus page report in his hand? Type in single space, both sides of the paper! Didn't we cover everything? A good beginning? What had we left out and failed to understand? What did we miss? Looks of confused amazement passed amongst us all. Was The Doc just pushing our buttons? Was he serious. He looked dead serious! There was a very long uncomfortable silence. The silence was defeaning in fact because we had become the focus of attention in the lab. You could hear a pin drop as all eyes and ears were focused on the wunder kids. Something needed to be asked so I finally stepped up to the plate. "what areas would you like us to improve on. How can we improve the presentation?" Dr. Snead had a very wry smile form. Of course he knew what we were up to all along. Yes, the report was very good but it could be better. We were supposedly in college for an advanced education and now he was about to deliver one. "Well for openers, after you have briefly given this overview of your fish, you could really describe it. GET INTO THE DETAILS OF EVERY ASPECT THAT MAKES UP THIS FISH. TELL MY WHY THIS FISH IS! Why, you could spend a complete quarter alone just researching and describing the intricacies of a single scale on your fish. Tell me everything about this fish in your report so that a five year old can understand it and build one from scratch! " Our spirits had been shaken. We thought that we have been completly thorough only to have it pointed out that we had only just begun! I am thankful that Dr. Snead cared enough to spend a little more time with us and to show and explain what he really was trying to get us to do and understand. After a break which the prof had suggested, we tackled the problem from a new perspective. We really got into the intricacies and nuances of just what made up this fish. Furthermore, we did not finish our report in the alotted time, but we turned in what we had done. We all received and A+, but more important we had received an education. We had begun to understand how to delve beneath the surface of a subject and really get to know it. To hold up every piece of something, break it down and examine those pieces. Then to do it again and again. To understand the process of getting to know and hopefully understand something. |
This is what was happening to me. I was being held up and examined, studied, evaluated and judged in the light. I hope that understanding has been shared with this story about the zoology class. No matter how complete the study there was always more to discover and learn from. Time is a hinderance to the process and yet time is unimportant to the finality of the study. I was more than a fish under the stereoscope on a lab table. When and if my evaluation was complete, I would be known to such a degree that a five year old would understand me, know who and what I am and was about, and be able to build me from scratch. |
I am afraid and terrified. My strength has dried up |
This is happening to me. All that I am is being perfectly studied. I am being judged and the eternity of my life hangs in the balance. |
The complete horror of my judgement defies understanding |
